Self-Anointing

'Rituals and care practices aren't just ways

to keep our hands busy

while we hope time heals all.

They are proactive ways to stabilize and

make sense of what has happened.'

-Carla Fernanadez

Because the stress of grief often puts the nervous system

into a high arousal state,

establishing a self-care practice as a daily ritual

can be a powerful way to down regulate the nervous system.

Down regulation means deliberately practicing shifting

from a hyperarousal, sympathetic state (fight or flight) to a more regulated, parasympathetic state (rest & digest). The nervous system receives the safety signal and operates optimally with predictability.

The purposeful and predictable repetition of down regulating behaviors

helps to modulate states which facilitates managing

thoughts, feelings, and emotions.

This, in turn, enables regaining or maintaining a sense of overall well-being.

In other words, rituals are calming and soothing.

The following practices are relaxing grief-tending rituals
that are also powerful forms of self-care.

author of Renegade Grief

Altar Making

Progressive Muscle Relaxation

Anointing is an ancient custom that predates written history. It is a practice that has been used across different cultures as a form of medicine for protection against disease and as an invocation for inviting in divine presence. Anointing is also used as a gesture of honor typically bestowed on another but can be done for oneself.

Oils, milks, butters, and other fats have traditionally used for anointing. Most modern-day self-anointing is done with a carrier oil (olive, sunflower, jojoba, etc.) that is blended with essential oils specifically chosen for certain aromatherapeutic qualities. 

The sense of smell has a direct pathway to the brain via the olfactory bulb and is the most developed sense when we are born. Smells are processed by the regions of the brain associated with emotion and memory so we can use scents to help modulate emotions during the grieving process. Intentional inhaling and giving attention to scents also hones/improves the ability to smell which can be negatively impacted by grief.

Essential oils are steam distilled or cold pressed aromatic liquids from plant materials (flowers, leaves, bark, roots, etc.). These liquids contain the ‘essence’ of the plant from which they are derived and are highly concentrated…this means that a little bit goes a long way and there are very few essential oils that can safely be uses ‘neat’ or undiluted on the skin without the use of a carrier oil. The chemical composition and aroma of essential oils can provide valuable benefits; however, a pleasing scent is a subjective experience for the person smelling so, when selecting essential oils, it is important to choose those that are appealing to you. Some commonly used essential oils for self-anointing are clary sage, frankincense, lavender, rose geranium, sandalwood, and vetiver.

Developed in the 1920s, this highly effective practice is based on the premise that mental calmness is a result of physical relaxation. Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR) is a simple technique that involves intentionally tensing then releasing muscle groups in sequence to help control stress and anxiety as well as relieving insomnia that is often experienced in grief. This technique is also helpful for improving interoceptive awareness.  Interoception is the ability to perceive the internal physiological state of your body which serves as the basis for self-regulation.

PMR can easily be practiced at home with no special gear or training required. For best results, set aside 10-20 minutes in a quiet space without distractions. This practice is an ideal pre-bedtime ritual.

Ritual

a repeated, structured sequence of purposeful actions or behaviors

Humans have made altars for millennia as a way to honor ancestors, connect with the divine, or commemorate events. Many altars, such as ofrendas, contain meaningful elements that celebrate a departed love one. These more elaborate types of altars are usually permanent fixtures inside the home.

 During the grieving process, altar making as a ritual practice is done outside,

made with found things collected while walking or wandering,

and the altar is temporary...

it is intentionally created to be walked away from and released.

This practice helps to increase capacity for change and

acceptance of life's impermanence.

When walking or wandering outside, pick up anything that speaks to you or feels like it belongs in your altar...rocks, sticks, leaves, flowers, etc.

Gather just enough of each thing each day to create a pattern.

The pattern can be the same every time or different every time.

There is no right or wrong in altar making...

the benefit is in the act of creating and letting go.